Monday, August 18, 2008

Starting Line

I took my first pill of estrace today - the official start of IVF#2! I've been so used to my standard regiment of 3 pills (prenate, blood pressure pill, & dhea) that I totally forgot to take the estrace. Whoops!  

I went back to work today, oh was it fun.  I usually dread our staff development days only because in the past they would make us do these silly team building activities, but today no games - I actually felt like the day was productive!  Amazing.  I was also floored that there were no pregnancy announcements - not yet anyway.   I'm also surprised that I didn't get upset at hearing about all the new babies (6 one just announced today!)

The weird thing is that I didn't feel like talking to anyone.  I had planned on returning to school pregnant, and now that it didn't happen I guess I felt like I had nothing to talk about. Writing that down, wow, how warped does that sound?   The whole day, I just couldn't get it out of my head what could've been.   

Just writing this down is making me see how self absorbed I am about my IF, I really need to, well, not let it go because it's a part of me, but to kind of compartmentalize my thoughts.  Infertility is a part of my life and it can't be ignored, but I also won't let it turn me into a depressed anti-social bore.  I think I can be conversational and have a genuine smile when I'm with my colleagues; I can leave the ivf at the door.   If I let this ivf cycle get me down, then that negativity is going to play against me - it will be hard to juggle work stress & ivf, but countless women have done it (I've read their blogs) and succeeded.  I can be next!

2 comments:

poppy.f.seed said...

good for you. it is hard to let that go, I am still trying. yay for getting started, too!

celestial said...

Yep, there is Petey-fur all over this place! I haven't decided what to do yet, but I will let you know. How is your pill popping going?