Today was day one of my 3rd IVF attempt. "How did things get this far? Why am I doing this again?" These questions plagued me all day - from the minute I stepped back into the clinic this morning to standing in line at the pharmacy for my big bag-o-medication to writing an email to my principal telling her of all the upcoming dates I'll be missing from work. Well, I have realized that there are no answers to these questions and as long as I stop asking myself I'll be more open to seeing this cycle for what it is - another chance - the possibility of Hope.
Well, here I am, quick rundown of all the waiting I had to do to get to here.
- Waited to hear if my husband was laid off or not - thankfully no.
- Waited to hear the results if I had a false positive for HTLV - yes, thankfully it was a false positive.
- Waited for AF to arrive - and she did a day early!
I guess some of those events could have made for an interesting post or two...sorry.
So, I had my baseline ultrasound today and everything is o.k. I go ahead with my protocol of follistim starting tomorrow (my last two cycles I was on follistim for about 11 days) with u/s and b/w appointments scattered amongst those 11 days, followed by Menopur, then my Lupron trigger. I don't take birth control pills (something to do with my high blood pressure) so my ivf cycles fly by like the wind. My earliest date for ER is 5/3, less than two weeks away. Yikes.
I have some guilt though. I didn't follow my doctor's instructions. He told me to continue taking DHEA, but that supplement is doom and gloom in a bottle. I had terrible acne, weight gain, mood swings, and just an overall feeling of doom and gloom - when I told the nurse that I had stopped taking it she didn't seem all that concerned and mentioned that it is all theoretical anyway and there is a possibility that the doses that I did take did something. Who knows? It's another wait and see game that we'll never know the outcome for sure. I would have been on DHEA for almost 7 months - at a dose 3x what is suggested on the bottle.
Actually after my miscarriage I stopped taking everything, even my high blood pressure meds - I know really bad - but, well, at that point I was finding it difficult to do any day to day stuff. So one morning, after I got back on my horse, I remember reaching for the DHEA bottle and something just made me not want to take it anymore - so I didn't.