We are now in the debating donor egg stage and I can't tell you how much it sucks. One moment I am loving the 75-80% success rate the other minute I'm morning the loss of ever having a genetic child of my own.
But, of course I still need to stay positive in al of this. We paid for two cycles up front so we have one left in the bank. Of course right after I got the bfn I was adamant that I could not go through another cycle and would put the left over $$ towards a donor cycle. Well, my dh and mom told me to put the breaks on and not make any decisions when I am so emotional. Not there words - they put it so much more delicately - but by did I hate it when they were telling me that. They are sooo lucky that I love them so much and did not blow up at them. I just sat and listened while the tears were falling.
Well, here it is almost two weeks later - amazing how much that medication messes with my mind - and as much as I hate to admit it my mom and dh were right. Although I am scared out of my mind to go through another cycle with my eggs - terrified of another disappointment - I would be more upset not knowing and always wondering.
So, the way our RE put it is that since I did get pregnant with a FET but never with a fresh it could be something to do with my estrogen levels at time of transfer. He should me the numbers: fresh my E2 is upwards of 4,000 - frozen more like 240. He was explaining that sometimes in some women it makes a difference because the endometrium during a FET more closely resembles what condition it's in naturally. So, this cycle we are going to be more agressive in trying for a FET. In the past we've transferred the best three, now we might only transfer the best two and save more to try for freeze stage. Right now we have 1 frozen embryo. I'm hoping that this next cycle will be just like my others in that we've gotten 1-2 to freeze. That's all we need.
OK good, getting tired now. Can get back to bed.