FET Bed Rest - Day 1

I am so happy to be here right now, sitting on the couch with my cat resting his head partially on my lap and partially on the laptop, and three embryos hopefully snuggling in for a long ride. Today, 3 of 3 blasts survived the thaw and were transferred to my uterus which has gone through quite an experience (and my hormones) in the last 3 months - see the "Jab" posts.

It was weird, looking down at the picture of our blasts, this was the first time in six transfers that I looked at the photo and thought of how amazing it is that these grain-of-sand size mass of cells can turn into a person. Is that a good, positive, thinking place to be or what!? I know I will still be my cautiously optimistic self, but maybe leaning a little more towards glass half-full perspective.

So now that I have a nice half-full glass of implant-boosting pineapple juice, I do have my worries. My big one is I have dental woes. I need a root canal - yes, just found out on Wednesday. Grrrr. Asked RE this morning and he said it's OK to have the work done, but I'm weary. I've asked Dr. Google too and the general concensous is not to worry. But, of course I still worry. I'm thinking of waiting until beta (11/30)? I'm worried and just don't know.

Quick Boring Update

Just wanted to write a "What's going on?" post. I haven't been all that motivated to blog but jotting down the particulars helps me keep my head sometimes.

So, last thing I wrote was about taking my last shot of the menopause mimicking lupron depot. Since then I've had my baseline and one follow-up u/s - both went fine as my ovaries are quiet and my lining went from 3mm to 9mm. I forget where they want my lining for transfer but I still have another two weeks for it to grow. My hot flashes are finally starting to subside now that I'm on estrogen - this for me is the biggest news! Next and last u/s before transfer is Thursday, I have my FET on Friday Nov. 20th...can't wait.

That's it - quick, boring and to the point.

The $300 Jab

Yes, I did it I went through an online pharmacy and saved over $200 bucks on my Lupron Depot! There was quite a bit of stress and worry involved but most of that was my fault. The quick version is that I waited too long to order it - simply because I was a little apprehensive. Since I waited on ordering, I was told that my medication might not arrive on time because of the delay at customs. Well, after hearing that of course I had a breakdown full of tears and insane worrying. That worrying was alleviated when just 10 days later (not the 20 they quoted me) my medication arrived! Oh was I soooo relieved!

Well, last night as I prepared to take the shot, all of my anxiety of flubbing this expensive shot came back 100 fold as I looked at this:

A glass ampoule. My dh and I stared at it. "What the hell is this and where do you put the needle?" No instructions came as to how to open this. Not sure how well you can tell from the picture, but it is one piece of glass. No twisting or flipping off a cap, no rubber stopper to inject a needle into, just one smooth piece of glass. Well, Google saved the day. In about 3 minutes we had detailed instructions, with pictures, of how to snap off the top of this tiny glass container - along with the warning of how using too much pressure could shatter the glass and render the medication useless - joy!

DH did a commendable job of breaking the top off like he was snapping a pencil. Of course he said he wanted to do it again! The injection went without any additional problems - thank God! Now I just have to deal with the random hot flash, yes, I am suffering from that lovely side effect.

The $578 jab

Just a quick update.

I started my lupron depot treatment last night with, you read correctly, one injection costing almost $600!  So I had my dh come with me to double check everything I was doing.  Even though I've mixed ganirelix and menopur dozens of times and injected myself in the butt over a hundred times with PIO it was still disconcerting to have only one chance at this.  It kinda reminded me of the anxiety I feel when taking the trigger shot - you've got only one shot and it has to be done right.  Talk about pressure!

Well, it went without a hitch and guess what the side effects are with lupron depot 3.75mg?  Menopausal symptoms - oh joy!  Of course not all women experience it but if I do I should start seeing symptoms in 1-2 weeks.  I'll keep ya posted - or maybe I shouldn't be posting in that condition :-)

So, next shot will be in 28 days.  That'll give me time to look for a cheaper shot from abroad.  I'm in So. Cal and I've been looking into online pharmacies from Canada & the UK.  Any one have any experience using a prescription from the US and buying meds from another country?  Any recommendations of online pharmacies (I've got ivfmeds.com and northwestpharmacy.com)

Curve Ball

Actually two curve balls were thrown our way so now I have a new plan of action.  First is the cost of the edometrail biopsy - $763!  A test that may not really be telling us any answers.  It's  close to the cost of meds for an FET.  And it's for my RE's professional curiosity!  

Second curve ball, one that makes the biopsy a moot point - I haven't gotten a positive LH surge and they can't schedule the biopsy without knowing what day I ovulated.  Grrrrr.  This morning, day 16, still no happy face on the OPK stick.   I started testing too late because my WTF call was on day 13 and I didn't know I was going to have to figure all this out so I think we may have missed our LH surge window.  

So between these two issues I won't be having the EB this month.  My dh and I almost think that this is OK since the cost is so high.  Our newest plan of action is to just go ahead with the two month depot lupron treatment to reset my lining.  This is the "fix", it's just two months, and according to my RE it won't have a negative effect on my lining if I didn't really need it.  I know that depot lupron is pricey, but for some reason it seems a little easier to swallow.

I hate that our FET is now pushed back until Oct/Nov and had some emotional set backs yesterday.  One included crying hysterically after I got an error message on the OPK (yeah clear blue easy-wasn't so easy), ran out of pee and had to wait until mid morning to retest.   Now, that I've written it down, I know what we are doing the next couple of months I feel a bit better. One of the most difficult parts of this whole IF journey for me is not knowing (2ww, next protocol, can I/when will I cycle again?, test results).  But having a goal, having something to reach for makes greeting each day that much easier.

WTF Consult

Just finished my obligatory WTF phone consult with our RE and I really thought it would be a quick phone call, but we ended up covering more than our upcoming FET.

Since my last fresh cycle went well my RE is now backing away from the egg quality issue.  What!? He also put egg donation on the far back burner and turned off the gas.  What!?  My embryo quality has always been good and now with egg quality, at least for this cycle, not an issue he is now considering my uterus as the culprit.  Whoa!  This is when he threw out the term surrogacy which I didn't expect.  Wait!!

So, here we are looking at uterine issues and naturally I asked "Is there a test to find out what is wrong?"  Of course there is one that is controversial, an endometrial biopsy.  This test looks for something called integrin cell adhesion molecules that should be present in my lining that are present in fertile women.  I tried typing out why it's controversial but it gets all jumbled up, basically it's because of the lack of supporting studies.   He mentioned that in a room of 10 RE's only about 3 or 4 would suggest it.  I liked his honesty about it not being a highly recommended test, but hey when we don't know what the hell is going on what do we have to lose - except the cash of course.

My next question was "Can it be fixed?"  This one was an easier answer.  Yes!  Now I can't remember exactly what he called it but basically it's regrowing my lining.  It takes two months, where my lining is reduced to its bare minimum (using Lupron - one of the most fun IF drugs) then using, I believe, estrace (another fun one!) to grow it back.  There are more studies showing that this treatment actually works and the integrins they want are there in something like 87% of the women tested.  

Since my RE has a "professional curiosity" (does that mean I don't pay for the test? JK) I will be getting the biopsy done.  If it does show I lack the integrins we will scrap the FET and do the two month regrowing of my lining.  If it's fine we go ahead with the FET.   I am so hoping for a positive test.  I don't want any more issues.  I'm done waiting.   I'm ready to be a mom.

What's Next?

I want to say thank you for all your comments.  I've stopped telling my friends about my cycles.  Some people I've not mentioned anything at all, others I only tell them I'm cycling but not any details - I guess I've realized they don't really understand.  Blogging is really the only way I can really express how I'm feeling.  So, thank you for being there.

The last two days were pretty rough, but I seem to be coming out of it.  A lot quicker than I did my last failed cycles.  For me this is a very frustrating time, in between cycles.  Part of me wants to crawl in bed and pull the sheets up over my head, cry and wish I was pregnant.  The more rational part of me knows I should get out and go for a walk/run, get some good veggies from the farmer's market, and go to a poker game with friends this w.e.  Right now I'm not sure if I'm ready to fully embrace rational me, especially being social, going back to bed sounds like a pretty good idea right now.

What's next?  Well, as I mentioned before I'm in a holding pattern before the FET.  I should be getting AF in the next couple of days, but can't start meds for a FET right away - I need to rest one cycle.  I'm usually pretty regular so I'm probably looking at starting meds the end of September.  We also have a telephone WTF consult with the RE in a couple of weeks, not really sure what will be said, but it will be good to touch base.  

Actually, going back to bed is not really an option, I have some reports to write up.  I hate it when life forces you out from under those sheets.