My cup is full

Things that I'm sensitive to now that I'm going through IVF - more than is normal for me. It's different for me, how I deal with the living/growing world around me, than it was during my early steps of ttc and fertility treatments. I cried hard the day I 'graduated' from IUI's.

The other day, about two weeks after my bfn I broke down. I was so surprised b/c I thought I was 'getting over' the negative results. My DH and I were in a grocery store and we went our separate ways to find different items. While walking through the aisles looking for whatever I started noticing how many of the shoppers were families and/or pregnant women. It just started dawning on me, it was quite surreal - everywhere, I mean everywhere I looked there were kids! Well, I was ready to go and at this point still sane. So, I started looking for my DH and low and behold couldn't find him. I'm sure just a few minutes passed, but of course at this point my mind is starting to go, and I was getting extremely anxious and bumping into kids and happy parents all over the place. I whipped out my cel called my DH and barked, "where the hell are you!?" Found him in two seconds flat and fuming told him that I wanted to go, NOW. In the checkout I'm totally feeling out of body frustration and then I heard it. A crying baby. That sound was like a switch and the tears started coming. I couldn't talk and was ready to bolt so, I walked out and DH wasn't even done paying. By the time we got settled into the car I was a mess but was able to tell DH what was going on. I felt so bad b/c he thought I was mad at him (FYI, he got caught up at work and I had to wait almost an hour for him when I went to pick him up - I was a little ticked at him but not enough to snap at him like I was). I was so shocked how I felt. It's like I couldn't handle any additional upset, I guess my cup was already full. And I think it still is.

So, a few things that make my cup spill over and try to avoid:
Crying babies
People talking about labor and delivery
Drinking coffee, wine (I wish I could and miss them, but if things don't work out I'll think I gave them up for nothing?)
Spending time in our spare bedroom (the Yellow Room) which would be the nursery
Walking through baby aisles in stores

and of course,
Losing my husband in the grocery store - actually, it might be any store :-)

We have to go shopping this evening, let's see how I do...